Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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