I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
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If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
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at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"