Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
