did you get engaged???
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
