I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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