sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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