Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize