fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
