How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
