When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
