I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
no, he came in my armpit
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
