ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
