If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
