apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
