you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
