Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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