Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
