my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
