My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
