He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
