if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
