I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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