While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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