our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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