I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
