Kareoke will never be a sober sport
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
