New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
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He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
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Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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