there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
