Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
