They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
