I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
A bitchslap is in order.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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