Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
