just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
