So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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