did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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