it hurts more in the daytime
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
