They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
