every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
