my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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