Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
