That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
