I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
