Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
