whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
