A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
