I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
