A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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