are you so shy because you have an std?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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