1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This is classic penis vs brain.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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