i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
