i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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