So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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