Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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