I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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