ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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