So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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