I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
