i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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