I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
