We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
