My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I wear drunk well.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
