I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
