Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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