I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Congratulations! We have a period
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