have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
