so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think i peed on brittanys purse
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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