Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
