You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
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Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
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i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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