I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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