Your dad touched me again.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she smelled like a LAN party
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
