I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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