I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
