remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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