You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
